Dear Verizon....

It's official, you stink. I've been with you since 2001 and it saddens me that this love-hate relationship may soon come to an end. You see, I've had a problem with almost every phone I've ever purchased from you. At first the phone works great and the battery could last all day long, no matter how many random phone calls I make.

Three months later, it's a different story. I make 10 minutes worth of phone calls and suddenly the dead battery sign is blinking. I panic, knowing I have an hour drive home and what would happen if my car breaks down and I need to make a phone call? Oh I know what would happen, I would have to get out and try to flag someone down to help me because I wouldn't be able to call my hubby for help.

I was in your store last week, demanding you give me yet another free battery because the one you gave me in September barely holds a charge. You inform me I am one month out of my warranty and nothing is free any longer, so I'll need to pay you $50 for a new phone. Pardon me? Is $50 worth losing a valuable, on time paying customer in the current times of economic turmoil? I think not, so I tell you how it's going to be: I am getting a new phone and I'm not paying one cent for it. You stare at me, and I stand in complete silence for 5 minutes, staring right back at you. You glance around the store uncomfortably and finally say, "Let me see what I can get the manager to do." Good idea, because I have all the time in the world to stand in silence. What you don't know is that I was doing my yoga breathing and relaxation techniques and I could be comfortable for hours on end.

You come back 10 minutes later with lo and behold, a brand new phone in your hand! Good boy, I knew you had one back in stock. I take my new glorious phone home and proudly tell my hubby it didn't cost me anything. I'm so happy to have a phone that holds a charge for more than ten minutes. Fast forward a week later and the damn phone has half a battery charge after a 8 minute phone call to my mother. WTF? How can we put a friggin' spaceship in space, but we can't design a phone and battery that lasts for 10 minutes? So dear Verizon, I'm afraid we'll be meeting again after work today. I'm prepared to stand in silence until you give me a different model phone that works properly and lasts. And don't be surprised when I ask you how much it costs to deactivate my account. I hear the iphone is amazing and it's looking better every day....